


I Couldn't Love Without You

by takingovermidnight



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cute Phan, Dan howell and phil lester are gay princes, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Prince Dan AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-12 20:32:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7948042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takingovermidnight/pseuds/takingovermidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the first fic that I've ever published and the first phanfic I've ever written. This chapter is a bit dry because it's just an intro to Dan's character, but it'll soon become an emotional roller coaster. That aside I ope you enjoy it! I'll try to update as much as possible.</p>
        </blockquote>





	1. Maybe I Don't Know How To Love

“Oh, Prince Daniel you look so lovely,” My hairstylist, Grace, cheers as she finishes up straightening my hair, “Which lucky young lady are you meeting with today?”

“Just another princess I don’t know. I think her name is Mary, but I’m not entirely sure,” I sigh. Here I am getting ready for yet another miserable date. Ever since I turned 25 two months ago my father has been setting me up with girls from all over England in hopes that I’ll meet the perfect one and marry her before I get “to old”.

“Well you never know, she could be the one,” Grace chirps.

“Yeah… maybe I guess,” I say, “Well thanks for getting me ready.”

“I’m just doing my job,” She replies, “Also, good luck on the date.”

I fake a smile and walk out to the royal garden where I’m supposed to meet Mary (or at least that’s what I think her name is) for our date. Going on all of these dates feels like torture, I’m just so awkward around other people especially when it comes to making small talk with a complete stranger. I always leave the date regretting almost everything I said. To add on to the awkwardness of the conversations I have with them, something always feels off when I go out with a girl. It’s like I’m automatically destined to go on bad dates, like I’m not supposed to be in a relationship with any girl I meet.  Maybe I just don’t like people? But I do cherish and enjoy the friends I have. Maybe I don’t know how to love.

As I get closer to the garden my heart starts to race and my palms get sweaty. Nervous thoughts to creep into my brain, I mean I usually get a bit anxious, but this is excessive. What if I screw this date up and never find anyone? What will father think if I never get married? What if I end up embarrassing myself in front of the entire country? Who will rule England after I die if I don’t have kids? Is there something wrong with me that prevents me from falling in love? All of these questions and more scatter around my brain causing small tears begin to form in the corners of my eyes, blurring my vision. Suddenly I realize that my legs are carrying me away from the garden, but I don’t care. I can’t do this anymore, I shouldn’t have to torture myself thinking that it will result in love. That’s not how love’s supposed to work, right?

Once I get to my room I lock the door, dive under the sheets, and curl up into a ball. I wish I could just escape this, I think to myself. Then it dawns upon me that maybe I can. I mean, I’m already in massive trouble anyway, what do I have to lose? I race over to my closet and change out of my fancy clothing into the most casual garments I can find. I choose to put on a jumper the color of red wine and a pair of black skinny jeans. Next I wet then blow dry my hair bringing it to it’s naturally curly state, there’s no way anyone should be able to recognize me like this. To think, nobody aside from my dad a few staff members know my hair is curly. I inhale and exhale before I slip on some plain black shoes and exit my room, there’s no going back now. 

In order to leave I have to make my way through the halls unnoticed and find a way out of the palace without being seen by any of the guards or anyone who knows I should be with Mary in the garden right now. I realize that my best bet is to leave through the staff hall because it’s in the back and is not as heavily guarded as the rest of the exits. Miraculously I make it there without being scolded or found out. All of the people that I ran into on my way didn’t even know that I should’ve been somewhere else, but did question my hair and outfit choice.

As I make my way to the staff exit my breathing starts to sound more like I had ran a mile rather than walked around the palace a bit. If anyone hears me right now I’ll be caught in an instant. I creep closer to the door and triple check that absolutely no-one will see me leave the palace. Time slows down as I reach for the door. Am I really going to do this? How much trouble could I be in if Father were find out that I’m doing this? My sweaty hand grazes the cool metal and very slowly turns the knob. Okay, now there’s really no going back I say to myself as I open the door to the outside world. 

I exit the palace and enter the bustling city of London. Shockingly it isn’t cloudy out today like it usually is in England. So far I’ve actually had pretty good luck today which is usually the opposite of what happens to me every other day. I decide to walk as far away from the palace as possible so it’s less likely be noticed. Even though I’m no longer inside I still have to be careful. It’s so strange that I barely even know that much about my home city, whenever I leave home I’m followed around by a huge entourage and tons of cameras. I never get to see what the city looks like from the eyes of a normal person. It’s nice walking around and learning more about the place I live and the people who I will one day rule over without being stopped or stared at. I think maybe today won’t be bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first fic that I've ever published and the first phanfic I've ever written. This chapter is a bit dry because it's just an intro to Dan's character, but it'll soon become an emotional roller coaster. That aside I ope you enjoy it! I'll try to update as much as possible.


	2. Maybe This is What Love Feels Like

After walking around for a bit I figure that I’m far enough from the palace not to get caught by any of the guards or staff. Feeling a bit tired I decide to stop and rest at a local coffee shop. I inhale aroma of fresh coffee beans and sweet pastries baking in the oven and my stomach growls reminding me that I haven’t eaten yet today. I was supposed to have brunch with Mary, but too late for that. I sat down at a small table meant for two people and looked at the menu on a chalkboard on the back wall. Halfway into reading the menu I remembered that I didn’t have any money so I could not buy anything to eat. As I looked at the menu next to it I saw a sign that said live entertainment at 13:00 and the clock on the wall read 12:59 so I had found my reason to stay.

The little bell attached to the door rings and I instinctively turn my head to see what it is. What I notice first are his striking blue eyes and his wide, bright, smile. He has  midnight black hair, the fairest skin I’ve ever seen, rosy cheeks, and is wearing the most adorable green, plaid, short sleeved button up shirt. He walks up to the front of the shop and stopped at a microphone. I didn’t know the entertainer they hired was going to be so cute, I thought. Wait, DID I REALLY JUST THINK THAT!? 

“Hi my name is Phil,” he said into the mic starting his show. He starts off telling jokes and funny stories about himself. 

I can feel my face getting redder and redder each time he says something. For a minute I decide to just close my eyes and listen to his voice, the jokes he makes, and the stories he tells. It helps with my embarrassment, for some reason his words just soothe me, his voice makes me feel ok, it makes all of my worries wash away.  

Once I feel calm I open my eyes only to see that they’re locked with Phil’s. He stops talking for about a millisecond and looks to the other side of the room to avoid further eye contact. As for me my cheeks feel hot and have most certainly regained their red pigment. 

After what feels like a magical yet terrifying eternity Phil finishes up his act and everyone in the coffee shop (including me) applauds him. I see people go up to him and give him tips, maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t have any money with me or I surely would have spent all my money on him. 

Before I know it my legs are carrying me to the front of the room. He looks over at me and smiles, “Hi, did you like the show?” he chirps.

Oh that boy is friendly and adorable and I just want to squeeze him. “Yeah, It...It was r...really great,” I stammer, “I...I wish I could tip you, but I...uh left my money at home.”

“That’s fine,” he chuckles, “I’m just glad you liked it.”

I smile and our eyes meet again, but this time neither of us look away we just study each other’s eyes and I find myself getting lost in his. My stomach starts churning, but I can’t tell why, maybe, just maybe it’s because I’m finally experiancing love. Interrupting my thoughts he says, “If you’re not busy, maybe do you want to go and get lunch?” He asks timidly, very different to the enthusiastic person he was on stage.

Before I could stop myself I blurt out, “Like a date?!” Great I probably scared him off. He was probably just trying to be friendly and I blew it. I blew my chances of making my first friend. Some fucking prince you are Daniel.

“Actually…..yeah…...like a date,”

I was stunned and completely froze, “Yeah,” I say once I’m able to move my mouth, “I’d love to go on a date with you.” Once the words leave my mouth he lights up like a christmas tree and grabs my hand. 

As we walk out of the coffee shop and down the street he asks, “Where would you like to eat?”

Oh shoot I think, “Umm, I don’t really know the area, you can decide. Take me to your favourite place to eat.”

“Ok,” he beams squeezing my hand tighter and leading me down the street to a little red brick restaurant. “You’ll love it here they have the best fish and chips in the world!”

“I’m sure I’ll love them,” I grin. I have never felt this happy on a date in my entire life. I’m still awkward but not nearly as awkward as usual, also nothing about this feels wrong like it always does on dates with girls. I had never thought I would find love but with him anything was possible.

We enter the restaurant and get a table for two. It was nice actually sitting with someone this time. “Your stories are hilarious, but also really fascinating,” I say trying to start small talk. 

“Aw, thanks,” he blushes and sticks just the tiniest bit of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. That boy is just too cute. “Well you already know about me, tell me about you. For heaven’s sake I don’t even know your name!” 

“Well, um, my name is Dan and I…”

“THAT’S WHO YOU LOOK LIKE!” He practically shouts cutting me off, “You look just like Prince Daniel except your hair is curly and his isn’t! You guys even have the same name!”

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Maybe I shouldn’t tell him the truth yet. We just met and he might freak out and tell everyone it’s me. If word got back home I’d be in serious trouble.

“That’s so cool, I bet if you straightened your hair people would think you were him and give you free stuff!”

I laughed, “Yeah that would be really cool.”

After more playful banter, getting to know each other and some delicious fish and chips we leave the restaurant and he asks, “Hey, do you need a ride home?”

I think for a minute realizing that I have no clue how to get back to the palace. “Yeah” I respond hesitantly.

“Okay, what’s your address?”

“Um I moved recently so all I know is that it’s by Buckingham palace.”

“Okay….If I just dropped you off in front of the palace would you be able to make your way home on your own?”

“Yes definitely.”

“Wow you even live near Prince Daniel. Are you sure you guys aren’t twins separated at birth?” We both laugh at that. No wonder he’s so good at his job he hasn’t failed to make me laugh even once. 

“If we are I’d like to know asap so I can claim my rightful spot as Prince Dan.” We both laugh some more. 

“Only if you let me marry you and become Prince Phil.” We laugh and laugh the whole ride home. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love Phil Lester.

Sadly all good things come to an end. Phil drops me off in front of the palace.

“Bye Dan, I hope we can go on another date sometime soon.”

“By Phil, I’m going to miss you we hug and I climb out of his car. Wait Phil, can I have your number?”

“Sure,” he pulls out a paper with some jokes written on it an scribbles his number on the back. I get the paper and rip a piece for me to write my number on and give it to him.

“Well bye for real this time,” Phil smiles sheepishly.

“Bye,” I reply blushing,”Wait Phil,”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He says right before he rolls up his car window and drives away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was really fun to write and it's so cute! Please comment to let me know if you loved or hated it. I literally couldn't wait to write this chapter, but not every update will be the next day but I promise not to make you guys wait. I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Maybe we rushed into this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold text are text messages btw

I smile and wave as he drives off. I take the paper with his number on it and shove it in my pocket so I don’t get in trouble for having it. Speaking of trouble I’m going to have to make up quite the story in order to get out of this one.

I head towards the palace figuring I should just enter the way I exited, which actually works out really well. I enter the palace wandering around aimlessly for a few minutes trying to think of a cover story, but all I can think about is Phil, I already miss him and it has been literally ten minutes since I saw him, I can’t wait to see him again. Hopefully I can see him again. I let out a long sigh and a maid turns her head. Once she realizes that it’s me she says, “Oh my gosh Prince Daniel there you are! We were worried sick! Are you alright? Where were you? Why is your hair all messy? Oh your father was so scared for you. I should tell him I found you. He’s in his room, I think. Come with me I’ll take you there.”

Before I can even comprehend anything she said she starts running and practically drags me down the halls. But all I can think of is the beautiful, black-haired boy dragging me down a congested ally while rambling about fish and chips. Everything he did was perfect, the way he looked when he blushed, his awkward smile when neither of us knew what to say, and the way he would get lost in my eyes involuntarily all made my heart melt. I couldn’t help, but feel warm and cozy inside whenever he crossed my mind.

As we approach my father’s room all of the happy thoughts about Phil escape my brain. What will I tell my father? Should I let him know about Phil or will he not approve of his son suddenly liking boys? I don’t need to think about that now. He doesn’t need to know about Phil, at least not yet. I just need to focus on making an excuse.

“Daniel James Howell where were you?” His voice booms.

I swallow then manage to stutter the first excuse that pops into my brain, “I thought that the date was in the dining hall, but when I got there I waited, but didn’t see anyone there so I wandered the palace until someone found me.”

He has a stern expression on his face and mutters something that I can’t hear.

“I’m really sorry, Father, it was an honest mistake, really.”

He sighs, “Well just pay better attention next time I guess. Also I thought you were supposed to look good on this date. What happened to your hair?”  
“It was straight, but some rooms I checked were humid and my hair’s a mess.”

“Okay then, just make sure you look presentable for dinner tonight, I am having some very important guests over.”  
I nod and scurry down the hall to my room. I get my phone and start texting Phil, I just couldn’t wait to see him again.

**Hey**

**Hi what’s up?**

**Nothing much just missing you**

**I miss you too. Do you want to come over to my place tomorrow?**

**I’d love to, what time?**

**How about 11:30?**

**Yeah that’d be great.**

**Okay see you tomorrow**

**Wait Phil**

**Yeah?**

**I love you**

**I love you too**

I fall back onto my bed and sigh. How will I ever make it until 11:30 tomorrow, but more importantly how will I sneak out again? It was risky enough today, how am I supposed to constantly sneak out to meet him without getting caught? And what will happen when we become closer and he wants to come to my place or meet my family? I really rushed into this. Eventually I have to tell Phil the truth. I’ll also eventually have to come out to my dad and literally everyone else in the country. Even if my dad and everyone else in England are okay with it I’ll be punished severely for sneaking out in the first place. My thoughts are suddenly interrupted when I am called down to dinner.

I look over at the clock on my bedside table, 3:00 already? I can’t Phil and I have been texting for 5 hours straight.

**I should probably get to bed now**

**Yeah, we do have to get up early for the date ;)**

**Goodnight, love you**

**Love you too <3**

Despite my lack of sleep I wake up a lot earlier than I need to. During this extra time I plan how I’ll go out without getting caught. I get some money so I can take the train to Phil’s place and I tell a staff member to let my father know that I have to do work in my room all day so I can’t talk. Once it’s 11:00 I leave the same way I did the previous day. It’s shocking how different the same city can look just a day after. I still have so much to explore. I wander around remembering that there is a train station somewhere around here. Once I stumble across it I get on the train that Phil directed me to over text last night. He said he would’ve came to get, but he is coming straight from a show.  
Almost immediately after I knock on the door he swings the door open, “Hi Danny!” he chirps.  
“Danny?,” I ask, “Is that my nickname now?”

“Well, if we’re going to date I can’t not give you a cute nickname,” he blushes gesturing for me to go inside of his little flat.

“I guess you do,” I giggle as I walk into the room scanning my surroundings, not that there are many surroundings to scan. I never really thought about it, but normal people don’t live in huge palaces with hundreds of large rooms.

“You can have a seat,” he says pointing to a small, worn, and faded sofa. Despite its shabby appearance his flat had it’s own kind of charm. I hesitantly sit down on the sofa and phil grabs a bag of crisps and plops down right next to me.

  
“So what do we do ?” I ask. This is by far the most casual and unplanned date I’ve ever been on and as much as I love Phil, I still have some adjusting to do to his laid back lifestyle.

“I don’t know how ‘bout we watch a movie?”

“Okay, that sounds good,” I reply as he already searches netflix for a random movie.

We sit close on the couch and I place my arm over his shoulders. (I know so cliche, Dan). He cuddles closer to me and leans his head on my shoulder. Now I’m not even paying attention to whatever movie is playing I’m just watching Phil who appears to have fallen asleep on my shoulder. I sweep his jet black hair out of his face and plant a gentle kiss on forehead. When I see him grin is when I realize he wasn’t asleep at all. Oh god I think, I can’t believe I did that, it is too soon to kiss him, it’s literally our second date! WHAT WAS I THINKING? I couldn’t help it though, in the moment he just looked too cute not to kiss, “I’m sorry I-”

He his lips collide with mine not allowing me to finish my sentence. Butterflies swarm in my stomach, yet I wouldn’t trade this feeling for the world. I run my hands through his silky, black hair as he runs hands all over my back gently massaging it.

When we pull apart I stare at him with stars in my eyes. As a response he gently pecks my lips.

“Well, thanks for waking me up,” he says sarcastically.

“You weren’t even asleep you idiot.”

“I was about to be,” He yawns, “You kept me up all night with your texts.”I just smile and he smiles back at me laying his head on my chest and clutching my hand.

By the time the movie is over we are both fast asleep on his little couch due to our lack of sleep the previous night. I wake up to see that Phil is no longer lying on me.

“Phil where are you?” I mumble sleepily.

“It’s about time you woke up it’s already 16:30.”

“WHAT IT’S THAT LATE!?” Oh god no, anything but this. People at the palace are probably going mad. There’s probably already a nationwide search for me.

“Sorry You just seemed so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you. I didn’t know you had somewhere to be.” He apologizes, looking like he genuinely regrets not waking me up. I swear he’s just too sweet.

I breathe in trying to keep whatever tiny amount of cool I had. “It’s fine really, I overreacted. I’m just umm having dinner with family soon so, I need to go.”

He still looks at me sadly, “I’m really sorry…”

“It’s fine babe,”I comfort him and get up to peck his lips.

“I’ll give you a ride if you want.”

“No it’s fine, I’ll take the train.” I say kissing him gently, “I hope we can do this again.”

“Me too,” he smiles as I start to exit the flat, “Wait, Dan.”

“What is it Phil,” I sigh already knowing what he’ll say next.

“I love you.”

“I love you more,” I smile as I close the door before he can say anything. I lean against the door and sigh. I feel like a giddy teenager after they’ve gotten their first kiss. Well to be fair, I did just get mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for a week I had a little bit of writers block. Aside from that I hope you all liked this chapter it turned out really cute and was the longest one I've written so far. The fic will really start getting interesting by the next chapter which I hope to get up by Sunday. Please leave comments to let me know how I can improve and what was good. This is my first fic after all. Wow sorry that was a lot of notes but if you read them, good job i guess.


	4. Maybe I Should Tell Him

Once I returned to the palace I was bombarded by various staff members telling me that I have a date in an hour. “Okay I”ll go up and change,” I say trying to avoid further questioning.

I run up to my room and dive under my covers and sob. How am I supposed to go on dates after just kissing Phil? Wouldn’t that be cheating on him? This is the exact opposite of what I want to be doing right now. I quickly dry my tears when I hear a knock on my door. It’s Grace, she’s here to get me ready. I sigh and unlock the door so she can come in.

This time I’m twice as upset going into the date, but I don’t run away. I have no option this time. I have to do this as much as I hate it. I suck in my emotions. All I have to do is make it through this date and then I can see Phil tomorrow. Only 24 hours, I can do this, I’ll survive.  
I approach the dining hall and see a girl sitting at the the table for two. “Hi.... sorry I’m late,” I stutter faking a grin.

“It’s no problem,” she smiles obviously faking a grin back. “I honestly thought that you weren’t going to show up again,” She jokes.

“Oh, sorry about that,” I say taking my seat, “I uh… went to the wrong place, I’m just really stupid like that.” We giggle at that, but it’s awkward and insincere, unlike when Phil would joke with me. When I was with Phil everything was real, I felt like I was telling the truth even if I was every-so-often spurting out lies about myself. I just can’t wait for this monstrosity of a date to be over. I just want to cuddle him again. I want to kiss him again, that was the most amazing moment in my life.

“What’cha thinkin’ about?” Mary asks pulling me out of my trance.

“Oh nothing.” I cringe trying not to look upset.

“Are you sure, you don’t seem ok.”

“No I’m really fine, honestly.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Umm…” I didn’t even notice the soft tears running down my red, face. I try to wipe them but at that the tears only start to come down faster.

“Is there anything I can do help you feel better? Did I do something wrong? Should I get someone?”

“No! I’m sorry…. I’m just messed up. It’s just…. really complicated and you probably would think less of me if I told you. Infact all of England would probably think less of me.”

“I promise not to judge or tell anyone if you tell me. Besides talking it out might help.”

At that moment I break down and start crying waterfalls. “I’m gay.” She could probably barely even make out what I said next I was crying so hard. I explained to her about how I met Phil and how he made me so happy.

“You don’t need to cry,” She smiles, “You found the love of your life there’s no reason to be upset.”

“I know, I’m happy when I’m with him, seeing him is hard,” I sniffle wiping my face, “What do I do?”  
She sits there resting her chin on her hand for a moment, “Hmmmm…. Maybe you could go on more “dates with me”, but really while we’re “dating” sneak out to meet Phil.”

I stand up and hug her a few leftover tears drop down. I don’t even know what to say. “Thank you so much.” I manage to sputter out.

  
The next month or so after that date were the most magical weeks of life. Mary and I would have “dates” almost everyday and I would get to see Phil for sometimes entire days at a time it was almost too good to be true. This weekend I am going to be going to a private estate with Mary so we can get closer as a “couple”. My dad is thrilled that I’m spending so much time with her and that she may just be my future wife.  
“Well we’re here,” Mary says lying down on the king sized bed, “You gonna go see Phil now?”

“Not right now, the next train to London doesn’t leave for two hours so I’ll just hang around here with you for a while.” Even though I really only spent time with Mary so I could see Phil we became pretty close friends. She accepts me for who I am and I appreciate that.

“Cool.”

“Are you going to be okay spending the weekend here all by yourself? I feel kind of bad for always ditching you.”

“I won’t be alone, I called some friends and told them I rented this place for the weekend so I’ll probably just be partying the whole time you’re gone.”

“I think I’m gonna tell him this weekend,” I blurt out immediately covering my mouth.

“Well now that you said that you have to tell him you’re the prince.” She chuckles punching me in the shoulder. My cheeks turn a pale pink, she has been bothering me by asking me when I would tell him LITERALLY EVERYDAY. Mary is great and I owe her so much, but sometimes she can be a little annoying.

I keep that conversation in my mind from when I board the train to when I arrive at Phil’s flat. I decide that I’ll tell him Sunday morning so if he doesn’t take it well at least I won’t be without a place to sleep. Who am I kidding why would he care about something so trivial. He loves me to much to get mad at me over that.

“Danny you’re here! Finally!” He beams hugging me almost immediately after I step onto the platform, “I can’t wait to spend a whole weekend with you!”

“Me too,” I beam, blushing a bit because we were never so open with our love in public. I still get scared that when we go out in public somebody will recognize me. “We should probably get out of everybody's way,” I continue.

“Oh yeah right.” He pulls me aside and begins to ramble about how he was at a show and a crazy person started yelling at him about how the donuts at the cafe were “too circular”.

“I swear you are actually a crazy person magnet,” I laugh. Staring into his ice blue eyes.

“Well I attracted one person who isn’t a complete nut,” He giggles kissing me on the cheek.

“Actually, stop. That was literally the cheesiest thing anyone has ever told me.”

“Admit it you liked it.”

“Nope not at all.” But I knew he could tell I liked it. Everything was perfect. Why would I ever be worried. On Sunday I have nothing to fear.If anything it will make him giddier than he already is (if that’s even possible).

Later that evening after a nice dinner of whatever cereal Phil had in his cabinet and playing mario kart we decide to just talk, cuddle, and kiss while lying down on his bed. I felt so cozy with him in my arms. Even silence feels good and not awkward with him. Breaking the peaceful silence he blurts,

“You love me right? I can open up to you?”

“Of course bear, nothing on earth will make me stop loving you.” I say the seriousness of my answer radiating off of my voice. Okay now I know for certain tomorrow will be perfect.

“You won’t think any less of me if I tell you this. You won’t care?” He sniffles.

Oh my god he’s crying. Tears spot my eyes clouding my vision of it, “Phil I would never think less of you. You are my everything.”

“Ok, just please don’t judge me or my family ok?”

“I promise. I will never hold anything against you. Now spill it out, trust me you’ll feel better after telling me.”

“I haven’t seen or even talked to my family in 10 years. When I was 19 I brought a boy to christmas dinner and they were really mad, like so mad that they kicked me out and told me not to talk to them until ‘I was done with this stupid phase’.” He is full on sobbing and has drawn himself into a tight ball inside of my arms.

“Babe, why would that change how I think of you? I love you regardless of what happened in your past.”

“I don’t know, but right after the conversation my boyfriend screamed at me and broke up with me. I guess I’m just scared of being all alone like that again.”

I kiss the top of his head and hug him as tight as humanly possible. “As long long as I’m alive you’ll never be alone.” I feel him slowly stop shaking and he doesn’t feel as tight as before. He feels comfortable with me. A melancholy silence hangs over the small flat, but he needs this. We need this. We slowly drift off into sleep and he makes sure not to let go of my arm. Like I’d ever leave him.

Sunday comes sooner than I would’ve wished, but if Phil can share the worst day of his life with me, I can share anything with him. I wake up to the scent of pancakes and coffee and follow my nose to the kitchen. “Aw Phil, you didn’t have to cook for me.”

“I wanted too. I love you,” he replies smearing a bit of pancake batter on my nose. Looking around the kitchen I realize he wasn’t kidding when he said he was clumsy. He’s probably dropped more ingredients than he actually used to make the pancakes. We sit at his counter eating the clumsily prepared, but otherwise delicious pancakes.

“Phil, you know how you opened up to me last night?” I swallow.

“Yeah, why? Did something happen to you?”

“Not necessarily, but I think I need to be honest with you…”

“Honest about what?”

“Well...um..oh..man….this, this is weird, but…. I don’t know if you recall, but on our first date we made jokes about me looking like Prince Dan…”

“Yeah I remember? Why are you bringing this up now?”

“I...um...you were right...saying I look like him, because….well...I...am...him…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo the suspense. Personally I can't stand cliffhangers so naturally I leave you guys on one. Next chapter should be out on the weekend if not sooner. It's going to get really heavy. Sorry for getting this out a day late I was distracted by a certain wedding video and procrastinated. Well that aside, please comment to let me know your opinions.


	5. Maybe I Just Need To Let It Out

“Ha, you’re joking right?” he asks forcing a fake laugh.

An eerie silence fills the room, usually silences with him feel good, but this one makes the whole room feel heavy. I want to tell him I’m joking, but I can’t. He has to know the truth. It’d be better that way. Looking at the floor I shake my head back and forth.

“Dan, really because this isn’t funny.”

“I know,” I still look down not daring to make eye contact with him, “I’m being honest,”

“Look me in the eye and tell me that you lied to me,” He sniffles.

I look up and my eyes meet his now red and puffy ones, “I lied to you, I’m sorry, but I had to.” I sob, “I really didn’t want to hurt you I just-”

“I trusted you with my secrets, my biggest fears, you know my whole life story, and I know nothing about you. Everything you ever said to me was a lie. And I loved you anyway. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall for your trick.”

“I-I-I still love you…. That wasn’t a lie….” I manage to spit out.

“How do I know that?” He yells. His sadness quickly turning into anger, “How do I know you still aren't lying to me?”

I don’t know what to say so I let my actions speak and go in for a hug hoping he’ll see the love in my gesture. I go to to wrap my arms around him, but he turns his back to me and points at the door. “Just leave,” His voice chilled like the crisp, autumn air.

Instead of trying to fight I give him what he wants and leave his flat, except this time without a kiss or even a hug. I walk to the train station all alone. Thinking about how this is the first time I’ve walked there without Phil by my side in a long time. I shove my hands in my pockets and look down at the ground so that nobody can see the tears running down my cheeks. I pull out my phone and check train times to see when the next one that could take me back to the house would come. I have an hour. What will I do for that long? It’s not like I can see Phil. I decide to just wait at one of the little restaurants in the train station until my train arrives. What will I do now? I’m nothing without him. He’s the only thing I that makes me happy. Why do I still love him if he doesn’t love me? How will I ever find anyone like him? I don’t want anyone else. He is perfect for me, but I blew it.

An announcement for my train comes on interrupting my thoughts. I leave the restaurant and walk over to the platform.I get onto the train and sit down next to a little old lady. When I sit down I take a deep breath and wipe my face.

“Are you alright,” a fragile voice asks.

“Not really,” I say not even trying to contain my emotions. So what if the people on the train see me cry. It’s not like they matter. Phil’s who matters.

“Did some girl break your heart?” I realize the fragile voice belongs to the old lady sitting right next to me.

I laugh, “No, a boy,” I smile not caring if she tells me I’m going to hell because it’s not like I can sink any lower than I've already had.

“Oh. Well you shouldn’t be laughing.”

“Why, ’cause I’m going to burn in hell.”

“No, because you lost someone you care about, that isn’t something to laugh about.”

I turn and look at her and see the concern on her face. I begin to cry, “What he felt was valid, I lied to him and payed the price.”

“Well why did you lie?”

“To protect myself.”

“Did he know that?”

“Not really, he just told me to leave without hearing my explanation.”

“Well, then you should probably go tell to him about why you lied. Maybe not right now though, give him some time to cool off first.”

“I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go see him again, my dad doesn’t even know.”

“Then tell him.”

“Tell him I’m in love with a boy? You’re crazy!”

“You had no problem telling me.”

“But, I only have to spend half an hour on a train with you, I have to spend my entire life with my dad.”

“He’ll eventually come around even if he doesn’t want to at first. Trust me. You’re his son, he loves you unconditionally.”

“I guess it’s not like I have anymore to lose,” I chuckle, “And I might even feel better afterwards. Thanks for helping me, I feel actually a bit better.” At that I smile for the first time in what feels like years even though it hasn’t even been a single day.

“Anything I can do to help,” She smiles back. She was the sweetest old lady ever. I wish she was my grandma. I wish she was the one I had to come out to rather than my dad, but that’s just wishful thinking.

Later I arrive back at the house Mary and I are staying at. “Man this place is a dump,” I say trying to change the topic before Mary even asks me what happened with Phil.

“Shut up, I’m hungover,” she moans.

“It looks like you had some party.”

“Yeah it was pretty fun, lots of hot guys, you would’ve liked it. Speaking of hot guys don’t think I forgot that you had to tell Phil.”

“Um, he didn’t take it well.” Oh man, I hope she doesn’t ask follow up questions.

“I’m sorry, it’s all my fault oh my god. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

I shake my head almost crying, but there aren’t any tears left.

“Ok, just let me know when you do. I’m here for you.”

“I know.”

Quickly changing the topic she says, “Ok can you help me clean the place up a bit, I don’t wanna get in trouble.”

“Yeah.” I appreciate that she’s willing to change the topic so I don’t have to deal with that right now. Besides I already have a plan for getting Phil back, what I need is a plan for how to come out to dad.

Later that evening I come home and am bombarded by questions. “How was it?” “Do you love her?” “Do you think you guys will ever get married?” I ignore them saying, “I’ll discuss it later first I need to see my dad first.”

“Of course. I’ll take you to him,” a maid says.

“Alright,” I say following her down the halls my palms are sweating and my heart is racing. I’ll be alright, it’s fine. The sooner he knows the sooner he knows, the sooner he’ll be able to accept me, even if he doesn’t at first. Oh, I hope the old lady on the train was right. What if he doesn’t accept me and kicks me out like Phil’s parents did to him. No that’s ridiculous he’s the king and I’m the prince. Imagine how the public would react if that happened.

As I enter his study slowly he says, “Hello Daniel how was the trip?”

“I enjoyed it,” I gulped.

“That’s great. Do you think you would possibly want to Marry Mary in the future. Can you see yourselves together?”

“No, not really,”

“Then why did you want to continue going out with her?”

“Because she’s nice…”

“Then why don’t you want to marry her!” his voice booms echoing off of the walls of the small study.

“Because she’s a girl!” I yell back quickly covering my mouth after I say it. This is not the way I planned on telling him at all. I’m screwed, I’m going to be disowned. This is it for me.

“What do you mean _because she’s a girl_?”

“I don’t like girls that way. I like,” I gulp, “boys...”

“HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT! I TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAN THIS!  YOU HAVEN’T WENT OUT WITH A BOY BEFORE! HOW COULD YOU KNOW!”

“Well, um that time I was supposed to meet Mary but ‘got lost’ I really snuck out. When I snuck out I met someone and I um fell in love with him.”

He seems furious but manages to keep it together in order to ask me more questions. He asks, “Why did you continue going out with Mary then?”

“Well, I uh told her about him so whenever I had a date with her she’d do her own thing and I’d and see Phil, I mean the boy.”

He rests his face in his palm and tells me to leave and not to bother coming down for dinner tonight as it would be brought to my room. He says he’ll “figure out what to do with me later”. I don’t think I want to find out what that means. He obviously doesn’t accept me, but that’s expected maybe he just needs a little time.

Later that evening I lay in bed thinking about how I’ll be able to sneak back to Phil as now my dad has amped up the security. I try to cry, but I can’t my heart still feels heavy, but this time like a rock that is preventing me from breathing. Suddenly my phone buzzes. My heart leaps maybe it’s Phil. Maybe he wants to talk to me. I look down to see it’s only Mary.

 

**Dan what did you do?**

**What do you mean?**

**My parents just told me that I could no longer see you. What happened?**

**I came out to my dad**

**Oh, do you need to talk, you’ve been through a lot today**

**No maybe later**

**Okay well just let me know. I’m still here for you**

  
I reread the conversation and she’s right. I had been through a lot today and finally I’m able to cry again. It is the first time today it feels good to cry. I find myself bawling like a baby until I fall asleep. I don’t bother thinking about what will happen next as that will just make me scared and confused. I just let myself feel bad in the moment. I need this more than anything right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have much to say about his one I think it speaks for itself. Well anyway if you enjoyed or didn't enjoy this chapter please let me know. Hopefully things will get better for Dan and Phil, but wh knows.


	6. Maybe He'll Understand

A gentle knock on my door wakes me up that morning, well afternoon. “Daniel, um it’s 12:45 and I’m sorry if I just woke you, but your father needs to speak to you as soon as possible,” A timid staff member’s voice rings.

“Ok,” I moan, feeling groggy from the previous day. Despite the fact that I have slept until noon I still feel tired. Maybe it’s not tiredness, but sorrow? I can’t even figure out my own emotions right now all I can do is replay my last conversation with Phil. I’d rather think of my fucked up emotions than that, but my mind simply won’t let me. I’ll never move on from him. I might not even get the chance to explain myself to him now that my dad knows I’ve been sneaking out. All I can do is feel sad, but not the sad I want to feel. The sad I want to feel is crying into Phil’s arms cuddled up on his couch with a bunch of tissues and chocolate. Instead I feel empty and alone; like a hollow shell of the person I used to be. I sit up and decide to get ready. Anything to take my mind off of the emptiness growing inside of me.

I walk down the halls where the same shy maid tells me to meet my dad’s office. Great. Now all I can think of is when I came out to him. Sure it does replace my memory of Phil, but it doesn’t really make me feel any better. “I’ll figure out what to do with you later.” rings in my brain. He probably is going to tell me now. I try to focus on my breathing in order to avoid thinking of anything else; I can’t show weakness in front of my father or he’ll just look down on me even more.

“Good morning, father,” I gulp.

He sighs, “Good morning, Daniel.” His tone of voice makes it seems as he’s somewhat annoyed. Maybe even a tad bit angry. He’ll never look at me the same way. He’ll only ever seen me as a screwed up, kid. A defective prince. A defective human being in general.

“Why did you need me?” I mumble breaking the heavy silence that hung over the room like a dark cloud right before a thunderstorm.

“You know exactly why,” he snapped. The storm had begun.

All I can do is say, “sorry,” quietly under my breath. I have to try and contain my emotions. I couldn’t let him see me like this.

“I thought long and hard about this, Daniel,” He goes on basically ignoring my presence. Oh man he really does hate me. “I really trusted that you knew what was best for you, what was best for our family. I thought by letting you go on dates you’d meet the one you want to marry, the one to rule beside you in the future.”

“Technically I did…” I quietly interject.

“I’m talking about a future wife! Not some random imbecile you met on the street! What would the people think if there were two kings opposed to a king and queen?”

“You’re the only one I told who wasn’t fine with it.”

“YOU TOLD PEOPLE ABOUT IT!”

“Nobody to worry about, just Mary, and some old lady on a train.”

“WHAT IF THAT OLD LADY FOUND OUT YOU’RE THE PRINCE!”

“She was basically blind, it’s not like she was able to make out my face.”

He leans down pressing his face to his palm. “It doesn’t matter what two random people think. I can’t trust you to make smart decisions so I’m going to have to make them for you.”

“What is that supposed to mean,” my voice trembles as the words leave my lips.

For the first time in the conversation he looks me dead in the eye and says, “Do you remember the girl you dated, Alice? Well I talked with her and her parents and you two are going to get married.”

“What?” I cry out, “This… This can’t be happening! You might not understand right now, but I can’t love her. I love someone else. Please don’t make me do this. Have some sympathy!”

“How can I sympathize with someone who wants to ruin our family name! Our country’s name! How would the public react?”

“Why does the public matter to you more than your own son? Don’t you care about me?”

“I’m doing this because I care about you. Your life will be awful if you outrage the country. You want to know what happened the last time the people didn’t like a king? They overthrew him and got another king! I’m trying to protect you from your own bad choices!”

“You think this is a bloody choice? You think I can just control who I want to be with? Besides if the people can’t accept me for what I can’t control it’s not like the can overthrow me. It’s not the 1500’s anymore it’s 2016.”

“I don’t want to hear anymore from you. Go to your room and stay in your room. If I hear anything, _anything_ about you even attempting to sneak out and meet this boy there will be further punishments. Understood?”

“No, not understood. You can’t just tell me what to do, who to lo-”

“That was a rhetorical question. Now go up to your room. Nothing you say can change my mind.”

I bolt down the hallways not paying attention to where I’m going. Should I meet with Phil? No. I can’t it’s too soon and he probably wouldn’t care anyway. Besides I can tell it won’t be as easy to sneak out unnoticed as my father knows that I’ve been doing it. I eventually collapse in my freshly made bed and hug the sheets close to my chest. I seemed strong when facing my dad, but really on the inside I wanted to just curl up in Phil’s arms and tell him about my pain. The way he curled up in mine when he told me about when he came out. I’ll see him. It’ll be okay. I’ll tell him about this and he’ll say he’ll marry me before Alice can even get close to me. I’ll find a way to get to him.

I can’t control myself anymore I grab my phone and call Phil. It’s the last hope I have. Maybe he’ll take me back. He’ll realize what I did for him and take me back. It rings, but goes to voicemail.

“Hey its me Phil!” His adorable voice chirps.

“And his rad boyfriend Dan,” my voice interjects.

“Stop Dan, you’re ruining it!” The recording giggles, “Well anyway Sorry I can’t get to the phone right now, so just leave a message!”

I smile hearing his voice makes everything seem a little better and it’s nice to know that he kept the voicemail thing we recorded. Maybe he hasn’t moved on yet? Trying to compose myself I say, “Hey it’s me Dan. I know you’re pretty upset and you have every right to be, but I want to make things okay again. I can’t even put into words how sorry I am. I was a total jerk and I regret lying to you with all my heart. I don’t expect you to forgive me as I can’t even forgive myself, I just want to talk. I love you too much not to try to resolve this,” My voice cracks and I sob, “Please call me back Phil, I still love you.”

Maybe he’ll call me back, though that may be wishful thinking. I don’t know what else to do. Everything came crumbling down at once and thanks to a few mistakes my life will be torture. Of all people, why Alice? All she did when we went on a date was blab on and on about herself as if I wasn’t there at all. As if nothing I even considered saying was remotely important. She didn’t even let me say hi. She also said some of the nastiest things. She told me that my hair made me look gay and that gay people disgust her. Funny how she’s marrying one.

The next morning I wake up to see a new text on my phone. It’s from Phil and reads: Please just forget about me. Also don’t bother responding to this because I just blocked your number.

No. He isn’t even close to over it. OF COURSE HE ISN’T! What was I thinking being able to win him back with a lousy voicemail? There’s only one option left; I have to go see him and apologize in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter! Comment to let me know how you like the story so far! Will Dan win Phil back or will he end up Marrying someone he doesn't love? Ooooo the suspense is killing me.


	7. Maybe I Shouldn't Worry

The next morning I wake up at about 6 so I can go see Phil. I really should head the old lady’s advice and wait a bit longer before I see him, but time isn’t something I can burn. I need to get back together with Phil so maybe my father will cancel the wedding. I haven’t been this nervous to sneak out since my first time. Sneaking out used to feel second nature, sometimes I would even forget what I was doing was against the rules. I put on some clothes and straighten my hair. (If he knows I’m the prince now, why hide it?) Once I’m ready I creep down the hallways of the sleepy palace. Most of the staff is either sleeping or eating breakfast now so I shouldn’t have any trouble sneaking out. 

As I approach the staff exit I see a man standing in front of the door. Of course, my father probably blocked all exits so I be able to wouldn’t sneak out again. I decide to go back to my bedroom before the palace got busier so nobody would be suspicious. I’m sure that my father has already informed everyone about everything I revealed to him. 

Once I arrive back in my room I decide to call Mary. Keeping all of my sadness to myself doesn’t seem to be working out and maybe she has some advice. Once I start calling her I realize she probably won’t even pick up because it’s like 6:30, but she does anyway.

“Dan, are you okay? Do you need to talk?” she frantically asks, I can hear the fear radiating off of her voice. 

“Um, no I’m not really ok,” I stammer, “Everything seems to be coming crashing down at once. First I loose Phil, then my dad doesn’t accept me for who I am, and in just a few months I’ll be married off to a girl! What do I do?”

She hesitates for a moment before replying, “Wow that’s a lot for even me to take in, I can’t image how you feel. Honestly I have no clue what you should do. Maybe try explaining your situation to Phil?”

“I can’t. I already tried calling him, but he blocked my number. Also I can’t sneak out to see him because I told my dad about him and now I’ll probably never be able to leave this place ever again.”

“Oh, well then let’s just talk. You seem to have a lot on your mind and no one who cares. I wish I could come and see you, but my parents said that I should never speak to you again. So even this phone call is a bit of a stretch.”

I sniffle, “I guess I’m just scared for the future. These past 2 months have been the best two months of my life and now I’ve lost everything that made them so great. What if I’m never that happy again?”

“Don’t say that, I’m sure you’ll be happy in the-”

“How am I supposed to be happy married to a girl! How am I supposed to be happy when my father hates me! How am I supposed to be happy when the only person that I truly loved won’t let me all them! People always say that telling the truth makes problems go away, but I didn’t have any problems until I stopped lying!”

“You had just as many problems when you lied, they just didn’t show until you told the truth.”

“WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!”

“It means exactly what I said. When you lied you had a lot of problems: like not being able to be yourself, being afraid that your boyfriend wouldn’t love you, or the possibility of what would happen if you spilled the truth. Telling the truth didn’t create new problems appear it just made the ones you already had visible. Not telling the truth just would’ve delayed the inevitable.” 

I’m too dumbfounded to respond. Everything she said was true. “This is all my fault, isn’t it,” I choke out.

“No, it really isn’t,” Her voice becomes hitched. Is she crying, for me? “You couldn’t control how Phil would take it. You couldn’t control that your dad would respond the way he did. I’m not trying to tell you it’s your fault at all. I’m trying to say that it’s life and that what is going to happen is going to happen even if it’s bad. So you shouldn’t fear you’ll be sad forever because you can’t control what happens, you can only control how you feel about it.”

“I’m so confused.”

“That’s okay, life is confusing.”

“It’s just like what do I do know now. I know you already said you have no clue what I should do, but I want to know.  You said I shouldn’t be scared and stuff, but I am.”

“Well I can’t control how you feel, heck I don’t even know how I feel. I guess my advice would be don’t stress about what happened in the past because you can’t change it, but also don’t worry about what will happen in the future because you can’t see it. Just live in the moment. The best decisions you’ve ever made were in the moment right? Like when you decided to sneak out the first time or when you decided to all of the sudden come out to me.”

“You’re right. Well thanks Mary, that helped.”

“No problem, that’s what friends do, right?”

“Yeah. I really wish I was forced to marry you rather than Alice. At least then I could marry my friend and not someone who hates me.”

“Yeah, even though we’d probably be cheating on each other all the time.”

I giggle, “Yeah, well bye.”

“Bye.” 

I hang up the phone and lie down in my bed. I guess I just have to keep on living until a possibility to make a decision presents itself. 

 

6 months, 6 entire months without seeing him anywhere other than the few pictures I have of us together on my phone. 6 entire months without hearing his voice. It’s crazy that this is what I’m thinking about on my wedding day. My wedding day to someone I couldn’t care less about. There is no way out of this. I have to marry her or else god knows what would happen. 

“Daniel!” Grace say as she finishes doing my hair, “Are you excited?”

“Heh,” I laugh nervously, “Yeah, but a bit nervous.”

“Oh you’ll do fine. Don’t worry.”

“Yeah I know.” If only she knew that isn’t why I’m nervous. I’m nervous that for the rest of my life I’ll be tied to someone I can’t stand. Nobody except me, my dad and Alice’s parents know that the wedding is arranged. The world thinks I love her,  _ she _ thinks I love her, I bet Phil even thinks that I love her. I wish he knew how much I wanted to be with him right now. I wish he knew I much I preferred cuddling on his worn and faded sofa than being anywhere near Alice. He probably thinks I’m straight and just took advantage of him, but that couldn’t be less true. 

I leave the dressing room and make my way out to where I would go to the church. There are thousands of people surrounding the palace gates waiting to watch the royal wedding. I fake a smile for all of the photographers and media and get in the carriage that will take me to the church. As happy as I want to be on wedding day I just can’t. I cover my face and cry. People must think it’s because I’m happy, but truth be told is I’m miserable. Mary told me to not worry, but look where I wound up. I have no say in anything I do anymore, only my dad does. I can’t make any decisions for myself. When I arrive I dry my face and enter the large church. My life will never be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is probably the second to last chapter (depends If I decide to write an epilogue or not). The suspense is real. Hopefully I'll get the next chapter up by Tuesday because I have 4 days off of school. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and this fic as whole. It was really fun to write.


	8. Maybe This is How it Ends

I practically hold my breath as I walk down the aisle. I can’t even think straight; how will ever get out of this one? Once I reach the end of the aisle I stand in front of a crowd of some of the most important people in world. To think I only know a fraction of the people watching my wedding, while at normal weddings the only people watching are all people who the bride and groom personally know. I wonder if Phil’s watching my wedding, I wonder if he feels bad for me. Maybe he’ll be my prince charming and come and save me from this hell. Who am I kidding he probably think I wanted this, just like the rest of the world does. 

Music begins playing and I see Alice in an expensive white dress that is covered in sparkling crystals. That’s when it hits me. This is it, my wedding. I’m really getting married. Usually people are happy when it hit them, but I just feel unimaginable dread. My life will permanently be destroyed and I’m unable to do anything about it. The time it takes for her to walk down feels like decades. I close my eyes and try imagine it isn’t Alice that I’m marrying, but Phil. That doesn’t help at all. All it does is remind me about how much I loved him, no not I loved him, how much I  _ love _ him. 

Alice finally approaches the altar and stands across from me with the biggest smile planted on her face. A smile I know I’ll never be able to return. When everyone is settled the priest begins the ceremony. I can’t concentrate on anything he says though, I just try to look down and pretend this isn’t happening. Maybe this is all a nightmare and I’ll wake up lying in Phil’s bed with his warm body lying against mine. I make the mistake of looking up and see Alice smiling at me. I know we broke up long ago, but I can’t help but feel that I’m violating Phil. Maybe I’m not feeling like I’m violating him rather than myself? I can’ stand this: I think I’m going to vomit. She looks devilish. Like she knows she’s ruining my life by marrying me. 

“Before these two are lawfully wed does anyone have any objections?” The priest asks the crowd and my eyes immediately dart to a girl in a pale blue dress who begins to raise her hand. Mary. Of course. Hope pours into my insides like a reassuring waterfall. I’m saved, she’s saving me. But her hand isn’t able to go high enough to be noticed by the priest. It is swatted down by the man next to her. I feel my heart shatter into a million tiny pieces; the miniscule glimpse of hope I had, destroyed. She looks up at me with sorrow in her eyes and mouths, “Sorry I tried.” I nod and look back at the priest who continues with the ceremony. Mary did all she could do. Now it is time for me to try, but what can I do about this? It’s not like I can stop this in anyway. My father will have me killed. 

“Do you, Prince Daniel Howell take Alice Woods to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?

“I…” I know what everyone wants me to say, but it’s not what I want to say. I can’t let myself live a miserable life just because people are homophobic. “I can’t,” not letting my brain control the words that come out of my mouth. I just let my heart speak. 

At once probably all of the people in England (and even people in other countries)  gasp at the same time. I see my father’s eyes fill with rage and fire. Everyone in the room’s jaws have dropped, even my own. I did it. I made my own decision in the moment just like when I’ve made all other good decisions. Mary was right. Hopefully this decision will result in a happy ending though.

“What?” Alice manages to make out.

“I’m sorry Alice,” I stammer, my heart racing, “But I love someone else. I’m really sorry, but this wedding was arranged. I lied about loving you. My father decided to arrange this to hide that I’m gay. I’m sorry, but I’m not in love with you, I’m in love with a man named Phil Lester.”

The room broke out into chaos. Some people are yelling, others are cheering for me, and some are even crying. My father goes up to the altar and pulls me off of it. 

He hollers, “Daniel James Howell! What on earth are thinking! Why would you? How could you?”

“I’m sorry father,” I sob, “I can’t help it. I love him. I need him. I can’t let me marry her when I love him.”

“Do you even know what doing this cost this family, this country? England will never be the same! We can never undo this! You’re life will never be the same. Now that the entire world knows you have something wrong with you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me. And I’d rather upset a few people than torture myself all of my life just to make them happy.” I say that with a straight face and once I finish I run down the aisle over and find Mary. I don’t want to see my father right now. I don’t want to have to think about what will happen in the future. I want to focus on now. Once I approach her she pulls me into a tight embrace. 

“You did it,” She manages to say through her tears. 

“I did.”

“How does it feel?”

“I feel free,” I cry into her shoulder, but she doesn’t care and just holds me tighter. 

“I hope Phil saw.”

“Me too.”

Suddenly the doors of the church fly open. The panic stops for a moment as everyone turns their heads to see who entered. A boy with ebony fringe as dark as night and familiar blue eyes is escorted in by a group of guards.

“PHIL!” I practically scream as I run towards him. 

“Dan,” he sobs “I’m so sorry, I should’ve tried to resolve it, I never really stopped loving-”  I cut him off by connecting my lips to his and engaging in the most loving and passionate kiss I’ve ever had. The entire church applauds and I wrap my arms around him and sob. 

“I missed you Phil.”

“I missed you too. As much as I wanted to be mad at you, as much as I wanted to hate you I just couldn’t. That’s why I shut you out.”

“No it’s fine really. I lied you didn’t even know me. You still barely know me, I tricked you.”

“I know enough. I know that you’re brave enough to tell the entire world you love me on the day you’re supposed to marry someone else.”

I don’t know how to respond so I just pull him in tighter and cry harder, oblivious to the fact that there are literally millions of people watching this right now. 

The guards that escorted Phil in try to escort everyone else out. Nobody really knew what to do because this had never happened before. We moved out of the way, my hand never letting go of Phil’s as we left the church and went back to the palace. 

When we got back to the palace I stood in the main room with my Phil and My Father. Phil seems nervous and unsure of what to say. I whisper, “I know he’s a bit intimidating, but as long as I’m here I won’t let anything bad happen.” Phil nods in response. 

“Daniel, can I speak to you in private?” My father asks.

“Whatever you can say to me you can say to him.” I respond.

He sighs, “Well I guess there’s nothing I can do now. I tried to help you, Daniel I really did.”

“It’s okay Father, I get it. Things didn’t work out as expected, but that doesn’t mean they worked out badly, right?”

“Daniel, I’m sorry for forcing you to marry her,” he cries, “I just was so worried about how other people would react that I failed to notice how miserable you felt.”

“It’s okay,” I say running over to hug him, “I understand. It’s better now. I forgive you.”

“Ummm, Dan…”Phil interjects after 5 minutes of me and my dad hugging for the first time probably since I was a baby, “What happens now?”

“Well Mr. Lester if you would like you can move into the palace with Daniel,” My father suggests.

“Really?” Phil and I both say at the same time, our eyes lighting up like children. 

“I don’t see why not,” He replies.

Later that night Phil and I lay down in my, I mean our, bed. “I can’t believe this,” He says breaking the comfortable silence, “you actually called off the royal wedding because you love me.”

“How could I not?”I respond, “I never will stop loving you. Besides what’s more impressive is how you were able to crash the royal wedding. Seriously though how did you even do that?”

“Well, I was watching it on TV and once you said my name I jumped in my car and speeded over to the church. Then I told one of the guards who I was and he let me in.”

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Dan?”

“Yeah?

“I love you too.” And we cuddled in our bed until we both passed out from the best, worst day of my life. 

  
**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!!! This was the final chapter. This was really fun to write and I'm so glad it got such a good response. Thank you guys for reading, commenting and leaving kudos! This isn't exactly the end yet because I'm going to write a brief epilogue which will just be mostly Phan fluff. But thanks again for reading! (Wow it's been exactly a month since I posted he first chapter).


	9. Epilogue: The Two of us Will be Alright

“Morning bear,” I gently whisper stroking the sleeping boy’s hair and soon after planting a kiss on his cheek.

His eyes open and he grins, “Morning baby.” His eyes twinkle from the reflection of the rare sunlight pouring through the windows. We continue to lay there in silence, our bodies entwined together. I look deeply into his eyes and reflect on what happened. To think it’s been only  a month since the wedding disaster and only about eight months since we first met, but I can’t remember what life was like life without him. He’s my whole world.

“You better not have woken me up just to stare at me,” he chuckles.

I blush, “No, I just got lost in thought. I already told you I don’t like waking up without you.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll never have to.” He smiles, “as much as you try you’ll never get rid of me.” 

I laugh. He has never failed to make me happy. I still feel giddy the way I did when we first started going out. “Do you want to get breakfast?” 

“Yeah just give me a sec I have to check my phone.” Phil takes out his phone and his jaw drops. 

“Babe what is it?”

“My mum….she...she….texted me. We haven’t spoken in over 10 years….”

“Oh my god? What did she say? Is she still upset about you? Does she accept you?”

“I’m not sure all she texted was this,” He holds out his  phone so I can see that all she said was: Phil? 

“Philly, I don’t know what this means, are you going to reply?”

He takes a deep breath in “I think I’m going to call her.” he’s obviously nervous. I nod back at him and sit down right next to him so he knows that I won’t leave his side. No matter what happens.

He puts the phone on speaker and it rings a few times until she picks up and he says, “Mum? This is Phil.” his voice shaking. 

“Phil?” His mother’s timid voice replies, “Are you alright.”

“Yeah, better than ever,” He smiles looking at me which causes my heart to melt. Sometimes I forget that not only does he mean the world to me, that I mean the world to him as well. 

“I um saw you on the news a while back. I should’ve called sooner I was just worried that you might hate me. I want to apologize, Phil. I should’ve never turned my back on you. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed you until I saw you on TV.”

It’s okay, mum,” how is he so relaxed I was always a hot mess talking to my father before a month ago. “I’ve missed you too. How’s everything? Are dad and Martyn all right?”

“We’re all fine. You don’t need to worry about us.” 

She and Phil catch up on the phone for about an hour until Phil and I finally get breakfast. Tomorrow Phil’s family is going to come to the palace to be reunited with him and to get to know me and my father. I’m so happy for him. He finally gets his happy ending even though I’ve already gotten mine. 

Tomorrow comes and Phil is freaking out. “Baby, you’ll be fine. They accept you now. Nothing will go wrong, nothing bad can happen when I’m by your side. I won’t let anything go wrong.”

He finishes fixing his hair and turns away from the mirror to face me. “I know, but I’m still nervous. I haven’t seen my family in ten years. What do I say?”

“Um, just like introduce me. I’ll take the rest from there.” 

“Dan, how are you supposed to talk to them. You’re the most socially awkward person I ever met.”

“I know, but I’m the prince so they have no choice but to respect me even if they hate me.”

“They won’t hate you. You’re impossible to hate.”

“If they were able to kick the most amazing person in the world out of their house I think they could easily hate a trashcan like me.”

“You’re supposed to try to make me feel better, not be cheesy and annoying. What kind of boyfriend are you?” He smirks.  

“You’re the one who fell in love with me okay. Blame yourself. And I think you feel better.”

“No, not better, just distracted by how cute you are.”

“Then problem solved. If you ever feel scared just look at this gorgeous face.” I joke making like 40 chins. Causing us both to laugh hysterically. 

A staff member comes into our room to tell us that Phil’s family just arrived. I grip his hand tightly and we start walking down to see his family. I tell him, “You got this, I love you.” His eyes meet mine and he nods his head as if he were saying he’s okay. And I really hope he is.

When we arrive in the main hall to meet Phil’s family they rush towards him and shower him in hugs and I missed you’s. I stand there awkwardly until the family reunion is over and then shake Phil’s family’s hands. Me, my father, Phil, and his family go to the main dining room to have dinner and Phil’s family is in complete shock that they’re actually eating in the palace. 

We all get settled and after a while of Phil catching up with his family the conversation drifts to me. 

“So how were you able to meet Phil in that coffee shop without being mobbed by people?”

Oh god. I actually have to join in on the conversation. I look at my dad. We never really talked about me sneaking out other than the day I came out. “Um, well, I wanted to get out of the house so I snuck out and just so happened to meet him.”

“Well I’m glad you did,” Phil replied squeezing my hand under the table. 

“Yeah me too,” I reply looking into his eyes. 

“Get a room,” Only I hear Phil’s brother say under his breath. 

Eventually I get used to talking to them and the rest of the evening goes smoothly. My father embarrassed me a bit, but not as much as I embarrassed myself. Phil had a great time reconnecting and was sad to see his family leave. After they’re gone Phil and I go up to room. “Thank you, Dan” He says.

“Why are you thanking me?” I laugh.

“Because without you I might’ve never seen them again. Without you I would still fear being alone, but I don’t have to worry about that now.”

“You mean the world to me, Phil and you’ll never be alone. Honestly I don’t even think I want to imagine what my life would be like without you. I’d probably still be going on dates with girls that I’m unable to love.”

“Then I guess in a way we saved each other?”

“That sounds about right. Well after actually having to socialize with people I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to go to bed.” I say climbing into the bed and curling up in the sheets.

“Ok, but we’re going to cuddle.” Phil says getting in bed with me.

“Just like we do every night,” I smile hugging him close to me. Finally, after all we’ve been through I am no longer scared for the future. I have him and he has me, the two of us will be alright. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally done with my first Phanfic! Thank you guys for reading and leaving comments and kudos it means a lot! I really really hope you all enjoyed it!


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